So I was doing some reading, and I came across some information on Borderline Personality Disorder. I read through a few articles on it, and then felt the overwhelming need to throw up.

Never before did I think the entirety of how I feel could be summed up under one heading... but there it is.

Unfortunately the ex is now telling me that he's not buying it without professional diagnosis, and if it IS the case he doesn't know if he'll ever want to be with me again - he said that he can't handle it, and if I want us to try again, I have to PROVE to him that I can be normal. I personally don't feel I have to prove a fucking thing to him. If I can live a normal life fine. If he can be understanding, sympathetic, and considerate, well.. I'd like to see the day. Luckily I have other people who will let me vent, and let me get it out of my system, and make me feel better about myself. The ex, on the other hand, just makes me feel worse. I don't need that right now.

Anyway, after reading all of this, particularly the part about having to be on meds for life, I'm trying to find answers as to what I do now. I can't find anything about where I should go, who I should talk to, or any of that. I'm still looking, but so far all I've found is the "after you get to who you need to talk to" bit.

I feel good about knowing that there is a cause for all of this and I'm not just screwed up.
I feel horrible about knowing the ex isn't going to be there for me through it - he doesn't want to hear it and all that BS.
Good thing I have other people who truly do care, and are willing to listen.

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